This year marked the first year that I "celebrated" Christmas without being around my family. To understate everything, it was very difficult for me. I have never NOT been around either set of my parents for the Holidays in some sense for 22 years. My 23rd passing of Christmas though, meant everything was different and thusly difficult.
It was sad, and I was saddened. A few days before Christmas, I was overcome with emotion and almost broke down in tears when talking to random friends about my situation. It was almost like I was admitting a fault and coming to terms with a dire mistake I had made, because in the end, it WAS my choice to stay here. It was my choice to not make the travel arrangements, or at least put them off until it was too late. And I guess I didn't really want to admit that it looked like I didn't care about my parents and family enough to see them on a holiday traditionally reserved for such an occasion. It was humbling and disheartening. I wondered what that said about me, in the fact that I wasn't concerned enough to think something like this through to the extent that I couldn't plan off work or do anything at all. I guess I just felt like things were out of my hands, and it's just an awful feeling to feel impotent.
So, suffice to say, I wasn't particularly excited about the coming days.
In the end, Christmas Day came. And it started like any other day for me. I slept in, woke up and got dressed in an empty apartment. I unwrapped a few gifts sent to me by my relatives and wrote some last minute Christmas cards. Many things started to look up though, when I was invited to have dinner at my roomate's father's house and THEN AGAIN at my friend's house. I was invited to two separate dinners, only hours apart.
Looking over the fact that I stuffed myself silly, not only with copious amounts of food, but also with social company and, not to sound too corny, kindness. I was welcomed into two separate homes and made to feel like I was part of another family. That was such a wonderful present. I'm grateful to have such wonderful friends who I know love me. I just thought that I would share that.
I'm glad I got through a worse time to a better day.
I hope I can share some of that with other people as well.
Now all I need is for a certain package to show up, and then I think Christmas will be complete.
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